At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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