New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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