Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
