Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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