I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
