I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
