Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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