I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
