Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
