omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
