There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
