Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
