no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
