we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
