you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
