And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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