I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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