..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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