we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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