At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
