I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
