names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
