I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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