saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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