So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
