I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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