He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
