I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
