Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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