if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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