I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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