Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
