That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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