barbara walters just said penis...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
