I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
