somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
