Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
