Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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