I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish you could order shots online.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
