i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
