Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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