If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
