I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
