I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
