Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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