you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
