Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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