Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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