Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How's work?
Spinning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
