my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
