I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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