dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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