So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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