Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
