Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
