It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
