My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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