and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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