I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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