he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
