If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
