i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
