well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
