It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
