I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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