I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
